A very wise man once told me "You will meet many different people in your life that you can live with. It's the person you find that you can't live without that you marry." This is a very romantic notion, that I thought was incredilby endearing when I first heard it. But after careful consideration I have begun to question this theory. What happens when you have survived several major heartbreaks, 3 in my case, and learned to move on? I have lived alone for eight years now. I have picked up the shattered pieces of my heart and slowly put them back together again, and again. I am proud of the fact that I know that my life will continue after a break - up, even when I'm inhaling my carpet fibers through salty tears. How can I believe in that romantic notion?
Allow me to share a little personal history. I was born with a dislocated hip so severe the doctor's could not guarantee that I would walk. At four months old I had closed reduction surgery, which means the doctor shoved my hip into the socket, and put me in a body cast from the waist down for several months. I was in this cast during the phase when most infants learn to crawl. Since the cast was to heavy for me to pull and I couldn't move my legs, I figured out a way to push myself backwards to get around. I kid you not. I would look over my shoulder at whatever my goal was and push myself until I got there. By the time I was 3 years old I was in dance classes. Once I gained some motor skills and could sit in a high chair I refused to let anyone feed me. I had to do it myself. My mother used to have to cover ther surrounding areas with plastic I made such a mess, but I insisted. Now you tell me how a romantic notion like that is going to make sense to a girl with an independent streak like mine.
Now I don't know which ideal is better:
Belief that one day I will find the person I can't live without.
Or, belief that I will find someone one day to spend my life with, but no matter what I can always take care of myself.
I have to admit that I'm leaning towards the latter, because what happens if you actually do meet the person you can't live without and things fall apart?
Lesson Learned: I'm proud of my independence, and perhaps a little more scared of love than I thought.
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Romantics say, "You will find the one person you can't live without." After being married 7 years, I think the quote should be. "You will find the person you can stand to live with (and they you in return)."
ReplyDeleteI like this analogy better: Life is a race that we're all running. One day you'll look to your side and see no one in particular there. Then one day you'll look to your side and see that there's someone that you're running along side of. Same pace, same gait. Just in the groove, running the race together and it works.
ReplyDeleteOf course, this is coming from someone who's been running the race alone for 23 years now-- but I'd rather wait for someone to catch up to me than slow down my pace to run with someone I'll always know I can beat.