The Lobbyist

We broke up over a metaphor! Let me explain...I met the Lobbyist at Cafe St. Ex on U Street. I stopped in for a beer while waiting to go see a show called Bare Breasted Women Sword Fighting. As you can imagine, it was quite the conversation starter and I had his undivided attention for the rest of the evening. I have to give the guy some credit, our first few dates were award winning. Date 1: We danced to jazz music at Marvin's. Date 2: we had wine and spinach dip in the sculpture garden. Date 3: We had dinner at a great indian restaurant, went for walk and ended up kissing on the steps of the supremem court. Things were going so well. Then I saw the signs. The familiar signs of an insecure man. He called one Friday night and I didn't answer. The next night he asked me if I had been on a date. I said no, and he then said he didn't want me to date other people. I was confused. On one hand this was a good thing right? Isn't this what we all want? A guy to want us all to himself? But it didn't seem right. I didn't feel like he cared about me so much that he wanted to be with just me. It felt more like securing his property. I didn't say any of this of course. I agreed to be exclusive. A week or two later we went on our first outing with other people. He took me to a party. Let me repeat, HE took me to party. We met his friend for drinks at Zaytinya before heading to the party. I was having a great time at the party. The food was fantastic, wine was flowing, people were friendly and we had just started dancing when the lobbyist announced he wanted to go. I had gotten dressed up on a Saturday night, driven across town, had several cocktails and glasses of wine and he abruptly wanted to leave. We had only been there an hour! I was disappointed and confused as to why we were going, but he was my date so I left with him. As we leave the building he announces he wants to go to a restaraunt several blocks away in the opposite direction of my car. Okay ladies, It's close to midnight, I'm all dressed up, in High Heels, and I'm tipsy, what would you do? Would you want to walk several blocks to sit in a restaurant when you could go back upstairs and drink, eat and dance for free? But again, I don't say anything I start to walk. We're chatting and I bring up a story that involves a former relationship. The lobbyist gets pist off, and says I'm acting "retarded". Yes, "retarded" I haven't heard someone use that derogatory term since middle school. This grown man has a law degree and he's calling me retarded on the street in DC. So, naturally, I say good night immediately, turn on my heel, and leave. Several minutes later he comes after me, apologizes and we start talking. After a convaluted "what happened tonight' conversation next to my car we resolve to call it a night and talk again in the near future. Then, as I'm getting ready to go, he brings up a comment that I said at Zatinya 3 hours ago! He says to me "we also need to discuss that comment you made earlier. " Are you kidding me? What are you my 3rd grade teacher? (I didn't say that, but I that's what I was thinking) I was appalled. Which surprised him. "Don't you think that was innappropriate?" he says. At that moment I picked up my car keys off the trunk of my car, I said " if you think that is innappropriate, trust me, this will never work" and I left.

The offending comment: Zaytinya has my favorite drink, it's called Aphrodite's Pear. It's some kind of vodka martini that is sweet, refreshing and I could drink them like water. Anyway, I was excited that we were meeting there for drinks for this very reason. As we ordered drinks I said that it was my favorite drink in the city and his friend asked me why. My answer: "It's like Aphrodite opened her legs and poured love in glass."

I thought it was funny. He thought it was funny. Everyone else I've told thinks it's funny. The lobbyist thinks it's innappropriate. So we broke up over a metaphor.

Lesson Learned: An insecure man cannot handle me.