Love at First Sight

In April I fell head over heels for the first time in years. I hadn't felt this way in years. It was love at first sight, which it usually is for me. I know it may seem hard to believe, but every relationship I have ever been in that has lasted longer than a month has begun with a palpable spark. I have even seen it. Honestly, the moment I met my last signficant other I distinctly remember seeing a flash of light as we spotted one another across the room. I now think it was cupid's arrow... fucking with me. I'm going to have to name my ex at some point, but he is not the point of this story. The point is, it had been at least 5 years since I felt this kind of immediate spark.

How we met: I had taken a girlfriend to see a play. Afterwards, we went across the street to the Green Turtle, to get a bite and catch up. I was genuinely not looking to meet anyone. Of course that is when you do meet someone. Within 5 minutes of conversation, enough time to find out his last name, and that he was italian by the sopranos accent he had going on, I was writing my number on a bev nap. This was very exciting for me because I am italian. I grew up in New Jersey and there was a time in my life when I actually wanted to be a Mafia Bride. Granted I was about 10 years old and didn't really know what that meant, but if you've every watched the Real Housewives of New Jersey, you get the basic fantasy. Unfortunately, I've never met an italian guy since I left New Jersey. So I was in love with the idea of this guy, by the end of our first date.

The first date: which I actually initiated via e-mail after encouragement from a co-worker. Good for me. Was the standard "lets meet for a drink." Happily the drink turned into a bottle of wine and tapas and I began to realize, that this guy was everything I had imagined I wanted in man when I was about 10 years old. Our families both came from the "old world" where men prided themselves on their gardens, while smoking cigars and drinking anisette after a spagetti dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon. We even both shared the same anecdotes that our Father's used to say. Over the course of the next few months this guy talked long term all the time. He cooked amazing italian food for me, met my friens, talked about introducing me to his parents, etc. I was elated with the prospect of possibly meeting the man I'd imagined ending up with when I was a little girl.

I was so happy, I realized how many things I had stopped enjoying over the last several years. For example, like many girls, I used to love to flip through wedding magazines and imagine what my wedding would be like one day. Yes, I have that secret photo box of dress and flower clippings. I also used to like love songs, like Eric Clapton's "You Look Wonderful Tonight." Being happy and falling in love again made me realize how close I had gotten to loosing hope and how much I had started to avoid this little pleasures. At this point in my life I automatically change the radio station the second a slow ballad comes on. Certain songs even bring a slight panic with them as I reach to turn the knob. I haven't dared look in a bridal magazine in years. And the truth is I cry at weddings not because they're beatiful and romantic, but because I'm so sad that I havent' found that kind of love yet. All of a sudden all that fear had lifted. I was so full of hope that I was singing along to love songs on the radio and letting myself day dream again about all the possibilities the future could hold for "us".

The Anniversary Dinner: He took me out for our three month anniversary dinner to his family's favorite italian restaurant. We ate great food, drank wine and talked about going away together for a weekend. Possibly even to his Mom's house. The next morning he kissed me goodbye in front of his office, and said he'd call to make plans for the upcoming 4th of July weekend. That was the last time I saw him. He disappeared after that.

The Aftermath: Hopes, dreams, gone. I, of course, was terribly upset, angry, confused, furious, sad, lonely.... you know the cycle. I still don't understand what happened. A few WEEKS later I get a call from him. He called to apologize for disappearing. He said that his family had done an intervention and that he realizes now that he's an alcoholic. He was planning to go to AA and to make changes to his lifestyle. He told me he'd "keep me in the loop of what was going on with him."
Whatever.

Lessons Learned: Ultimately, I think he did me a favor. Had he come to this realization while we were seeing one another, I would have been supportive. I would have tried to help him. I probably would have stopped drinking alcohol myself. I probably would have gone through hell trying to help him overcome it, only to end up proving that I am helpless in a situation like that.

But more importantly, he reminded me what it felt like to be falling in love. It had been so long since I felt those feelings. It fills you up with hope, and happiness and I dare say, glee. I started to day dream beautiful possibilites again. Having that influx of hope has motivated me to get back out there again and to make a real effort to meet someone.

P.S. About a two weeks after the italian guy disappeared, I met the 2nd italain guy I ever met in DC. He even has the same name as the first! I told you, cupid is fucking with me. He was a cute, 23 year old bar tender I met out dancing. The perfect rebound!